GIVE ME ALL THE CHICKEN

Sweet Baby James,

Clearly, you are already spoiled. Whatever you want, that's what Momma eats. And increasingly, what you want is chicken.

This really surprised me, because I heard from many other moms that they really got grossed out by meat, particularly chicken, during their pregnancies. My friend Rachel's baby is already a few months old and she says she still doesn't like eating chicken, because just the sight of it used to make her sick.

But not me! I'm sure this is just my body's way of getting lots of protein, which is very important for your development. I usually don't get enough in my diet so I guess you kicked it into overdrive. It's a little weird to feel so blatantly carnivorous. Chicken tacos, chicken sandwiches, chicken tenders, chicken fajitas, chicken fried, chicken grilled, whatever.

And eggs! Sometimes in the morning when nothing else sounds good, I want eggs. Scrambled with cheese. Mmmm. Sounds good right now, doesn't it little one?!

Today I am going home to St. Louis and I will get to tell my mom and dad and sister about YOU! This makes me more excited than anything! Ben (that's your Daddy) will hopefully get to come up later this weekend so we can tell his family too. Hopefully we will get some fun pictures or video of this and post them!

Well, gotta go pack! This is something you can take to the bank about me: I do most everything at the last minute.

Love,

Momma

My Darling Baby Pea!

Sweet Baby James,

Hello lovely! I reached six weeks of pregnancy over the weekend, and guess what? That means no more sesame seed stage for you. You are now a quarter of an inch from your tiny little head to your curled up rump. That's about as big as a baby sweet pea. By the end of this week you'll be blueberry sized, so you are really growing like crazy already!

One little fact that I'm in love with? Your heart is already beating, between 100-160 a minute. How can that be possible?!!? Amazing, that's what you are. I am so honored that God would be so gracious and creative to let this happen inside of me.

This weekend was a big one. We have some really special friends, Jon and Heather, who recently began the process of moving away to a new town. It has been sad because your momma and Heather are best buddies. I couldn't wait to tell her about you, although I was also a little scared! Like me, she's waited a long time for it to be a good time to start a family, and I didn't want her to be sad that I got to go first! This might sound complicated to you, but you'll understand someday.

Appropriately enough, I told her about you in the parking lot of a Mexican food restaurant. We love Mexican food. I cried a little and we shared a big hug. Later she picked out a really cute maternity coat for me and together we coerced your dad into buying it for me. That's what friends are for. :)

I can't wait for you to meet Heather! She's such a fun person and talk about SMART. Jon too! I'm just going to routinely ship you off to them so you can learn lots of things from them, just like I have. And when she has a baby you can be best friends and maybe later get married, genders permitting.

I felt pretty good all weekend. I usually feel a little bleh in the morning before I eat, and the other night for the first time I had to walk away from some food in the kitchen because it suddenly smelled terrible to me. But other than that, not too shabby! The only other thing bothering me is my chest. Ow ow ow! I already thought I was doing overly well in that department and here you go making them even bigger? Unnecessary, I assure you.

Sorry, someday you'll probably find this horribly embarrassing. But for now you're just a sweet little pea in my tum and you can't do anything about your crazy mom, out here blogging about her boobs.

Love,

Momma

Somebody Loves Me

Sweet Baby James,

Hello dear one! Guess what? I woke up at 5:30 this morning! Was that your doing? Before you come out here to greet the world, I think we should clear up one thing. In this family - which you're now a part of - we LOVE sleep! We only see one 5:30 every day, and it's the one in the evening! So just get that in your tiny developing head - sleep is GOOD. Sleep is your FRIEND.

Not only do I like to sleep, and not only does your dad like to sleep, but another member of our family also likes to sleep. Oh yes, there's someone else out here already. His name is Scruffy.

Momma & Scruffy last fall

Scruffy is our dog. We really love him so much, even though he has lots of neurotic issues. One of those issues is that he is not fond of children, but we're hoping to make a breakthrough there in the next eight months.

Scruffy has always really loved your dad. He loves me, too, and we've become good buddies since I've been at home more. But still, dad is Numero Uno in our house. That is, until now.

You growing in my tummy doesn't really look different from the outside yet. I mean, I wish this belly bump was because of you! But even though I don't look different, I feel different. And I have lots of new hormones racing around in my body getting you built and getting me ready. And I really, sincerely think Scruffy has picked up on this. Because he looooooooves me.

He follows me around everywhere. If I go to the bathroom, he stands outside and waits for me. And this is when dad is home too! If I am on one couch and dad is on the other, he just won't stop pestering me. He wants me to pet him, or he wants to jump up by me, and last night he just laid down on my feet. Isn't that crazy? I did a little online research and it turns out this is fairly common behavior and that dogs and some cats sense the changes in their owner and respond with more clingy or protective behavior.

So I guess I owe you a thanks, my darling little sesame seed, for making me top dog around here for once!

Love,

Momma

Are You Messing With Me?

Breakfast of Champions

Sweet Baby James,

I've always loved Goldfish crackers. But I didn't ever think I'd be eating them before 9 o'clock in the morning because every other food I even thought about made me want to barf.

Love,

Momma

You Belong to God

Sweet Baby James,

Hello dear one! Yesterday I really had a moment with God where I sort of turned you over to Him, so to speak. I have a feeling I'll have to continually do this for the entire rest of your life!

Like every pregnant momma, I have some nagging fears about something happening to you before you are born, such as having a miscarriage. That's one reason we're trying really hard to wait to tell everyone about you till you are a little more big and strong inside me. For whatever reasons, the first trimester has a much greater chance that something can happen.

I know this is a real possibility, but it isn't one I'm hoping for. I pray fervently against it, that God would continue to knit you together in me, and that you would grow and form perfectly as you are meant to do. I'm doing my part, too, to stay away from anything that would harm you and only put the good stuff in. Even things I thought I loved and could never do without - like Diet Coke! I gave that up cold turkey the minute I found out you were coming! And Baby, your Momma loves her some Diet Coke. But you know what I found out? I love you more.

Even with all that I can do, however, there are still things that could happen. And yesterday I had some prayer time where I really begged God not to let that happen to you.

In my Bible study at church we are going through the book of Daniel. There is a lot about it I don't understand! But yesterday my study was about loyalty, and about pre-determining the answer you would have regardless of the situation. For example, the leader said it wouldn't matter the situation, but she felt confident that if it ever came down to giving her life to spare her children, she would do it without a thought. I imagine I will feel the same way about you! Then we kind of translated that idea to our faith and our walk with God. Is there anything that could happen in my life, whether by God's hand or the existence of evil in our world, that would cause me to turn away from God? I don't think I've ever been faced with something that intense before. But loyalty is about deciding ahead of time the kind of decision you would make.

I waited for what felt like so long for the time when I could finally become a mom. I think going through a miscarriage might be one of the hardest things I've ever had to experience in my life. So yesterday when I was praying and crying to God I decided that if that did happen, I would, by his grace, remain faithful. If I believe in the most joyful season that God is in control, orchestrating life for my good, then I would have to believe it even in the hardest, darkest, saddest moments of my life.

You belong to God anyway, my sweet baby sesame seed. By his grace and favor I'm carrying you for this season, but I always want you to know who you are. You are a child of God! As much as I longed for you, and as much as I will love you in this life, He longed for you and loves you infinitely more.

I pray that God will increase my love for Him so that it overflows into my love for you every day!

Love,

Momma

Sesame Seed!

Sweet Baby James,

I have to stop calling you my little poppy seed because you've already grown to be the size of a sesame seed. It is still so tiny but look how much bigger than last week already!


You are growing like a champ! Apparently this is why I am so tired, because all the systems of my body have abandoned me in favor of working on you. I'm totally okay with this, by the way.

No more weird food stuff to report so far. I have felt a little nauseous on and off but it seems to go away if I eat something.

I had to go all weekend long without telling anyone about you, and that was HARD! I accidentally almost spilled the beans on Friday night when we went to have dinner with another couple. She is pregnant too, although she's about to have her baby in just a couple weeks. It was a close call, but I think Dad saved the day with a misdirection.

I also talked to my parents on the phone (you'll know them better as Grandma and Grandpa) and I had to bite my tongue not to blurt it out. But I really want to tell them in person, so I'm trying to figure out when we can get to see them again. I am not a good secret keeper, my little sesame seed! This is hard work!

Love,
Momma

Knit Together

Sweet Baby James,

Good morning! I am thanking God for you this morning! I read these verses and just cried at the new meaning He has given them for me through you!

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake, I am still with you.

Pretty cool, huh? God is knitting you together in me right now. Do you know what I found out? So I'm five weeks pregnant, which means you've really only been around three weeks (I know, I don't get it either). Three weeks - just 21 days - and already the major systems of your body are being formed. This very week - maybe this very minute - your heart is dividing into the chambers it will need to beat and pump your blood. How God can orchestrate all of this to happen inside my body is seriously amazing.

I really love the part that says, "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." You belong first and foremost to God. I feel like I've been waiting most of my adult life to be your momma. But God has been waiting since before time began with YOU in mind! I don't know what your heart sounds like or what your sweet face will look like, but he knows all your days, and all the ways he will use you for His glory! When I think of it that way, I can't believe he's giving you to me for this time! Now THAT is truly humbling!

Wow, and I thought I had a problem overusing exclamation points in my writing before this. Thinking about you just brings them out I guess!

Love,

Momma

PS. !!!!!!!!!