You Belong to God

Sweet Baby James,

Hello dear one! Yesterday I really had a moment with God where I sort of turned you over to Him, so to speak. I have a feeling I'll have to continually do this for the entire rest of your life!

Like every pregnant momma, I have some nagging fears about something happening to you before you are born, such as having a miscarriage. That's one reason we're trying really hard to wait to tell everyone about you till you are a little more big and strong inside me. For whatever reasons, the first trimester has a much greater chance that something can happen.

I know this is a real possibility, but it isn't one I'm hoping for. I pray fervently against it, that God would continue to knit you together in me, and that you would grow and form perfectly as you are meant to do. I'm doing my part, too, to stay away from anything that would harm you and only put the good stuff in. Even things I thought I loved and could never do without - like Diet Coke! I gave that up cold turkey the minute I found out you were coming! And Baby, your Momma loves her some Diet Coke. But you know what I found out? I love you more.

Even with all that I can do, however, there are still things that could happen. And yesterday I had some prayer time where I really begged God not to let that happen to you.

In my Bible study at church we are going through the book of Daniel. There is a lot about it I don't understand! But yesterday my study was about loyalty, and about pre-determining the answer you would have regardless of the situation. For example, the leader said it wouldn't matter the situation, but she felt confident that if it ever came down to giving her life to spare her children, she would do it without a thought. I imagine I will feel the same way about you! Then we kind of translated that idea to our faith and our walk with God. Is there anything that could happen in my life, whether by God's hand or the existence of evil in our world, that would cause me to turn away from God? I don't think I've ever been faced with something that intense before. But loyalty is about deciding ahead of time the kind of decision you would make.

I waited for what felt like so long for the time when I could finally become a mom. I think going through a miscarriage might be one of the hardest things I've ever had to experience in my life. So yesterday when I was praying and crying to God I decided that if that did happen, I would, by his grace, remain faithful. If I believe in the most joyful season that God is in control, orchestrating life for my good, then I would have to believe it even in the hardest, darkest, saddest moments of my life.

You belong to God anyway, my sweet baby sesame seed. By his grace and favor I'm carrying you for this season, but I always want you to know who you are. You are a child of God! As much as I longed for you, and as much as I will love you in this life, He longed for you and loves you infinitely more.

I pray that God will increase my love for Him so that it overflows into my love for you every day!

Love,

Momma